we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
