I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
