my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
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I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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