You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
