Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
