Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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