My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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