She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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