Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
