omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
