you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
