If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Everclear isn't food dammit
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
