Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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