plz talk dirty to me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
