i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
