Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
