it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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