Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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