just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
