I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
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I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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