so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
