I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
