you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
