Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
