I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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