mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
