If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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