my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
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We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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