idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
