maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
