as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
