I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize