I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
