Who did Billy Mays play for?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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