The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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