with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
