I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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