in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We have started to decorate penises.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
