If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
