we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
