They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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