2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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