Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
