Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
