Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Randomize
