Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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