I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
