well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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