chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
