You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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