every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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