she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
