Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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