no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
