I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Terrible idea I love it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
