I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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