dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
