Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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