I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
