You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
