is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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