The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
