What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Come on in and take your pants off
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