At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
