Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
