Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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