he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
