My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
