Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
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just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.