you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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