Someone shit on the floor
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
