Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN