Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize