if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
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Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.