she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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