I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"