i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.