I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I love having hate sex.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
