final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.