Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
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I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away