Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
