ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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