he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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