sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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