I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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