Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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