She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
