remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
