the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
