we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
